Giving the Eggstraordinary

In January when we had our initial consultation with our egg donor nurse where we found out all about how the egg donation process works, we found out one detail that has had me worried for the last five months: The nurses recommend that recipient couples give their donors a thank-you gift (apart from the money they receive for donating). Our nurse explained that giving a gift is nice because it allows both parties to feel a sense of connection and closure. Closure isn't exactly the right word, but she explained that some sort of gift helps the donor feel like going through such a difficult experience is worth it. Although some might think that donors shouldn't expect anything in return given they are paid, I tend to agree that it would probably feel somewhat violating to simply have a big wad of cash thrown at you after an invading procedure such as the egg retrieval.

The nurse told us that some couples will buy the donor a purse or gift card or a Christmas ornament. As soon as I heard these examples, I knew that they simply will not do for our donor. Although, I have considered getting her a Zappos gift card so she can buy herself some expensive shoes. Over our past IVF cycles and losses, I have used the purchase of Frye boots to mend my broken heart. Since I am hoping that I will not need such a purchase this time, I thought the shoes maybe should go to the donor.

So I have been fretting over this issue for months. What do you give to someone who is going to help give you the biggest gift you could possibly receive? No, a purse and not even shoes are enough. What makes the gift even trickier is that this is THE one chance at communication with her. The process is anonymous so there will be no other opportunities. How can one gift express that all the years of tears, heartache, grief, and pain were possibly worth it? How can one gift thank someone for giving my baby a life? The answer is that one gift cannot possibly do all that. So for now, I have painted her this picture. I'm not sure if I'll throw in a day at the spa or something that doesn't make her feel like her recipient is a cheap ass--"I got my eggs plucked out of me and all I got was this lousy painting!" At the least, I hope that our donor sees the painting and knows that we thank her like we have never thanked someone before.